I Don't Have a Choice
07 Oct 2022
By Jaypragsan Moodley
My name is Jaypragsan Moodley. I'm 43 years old from Phoenix Durban and I live with psoriasis.
In my early 20s it first appeared on my face, arms and legs. However it just went away after using traditional methods. About 15 years later it appeared again but this time on my head very bad. Currently I have it on the inner walls of my ears, around the nose and on my tail bone also quiet severely. My fingers and toe nails are also effected. It's manageable with the right medicines but most of the time the local clinics don't have stock and it becomes very stressful. Most of the time im using expired medicine. I don't have a choice.
I also live with a rare eye condition from a 4 year old child and currently have low vision (MYOPIC AND RETINAL DETACHMENT ISSUES.) Screens, typing, reading and writing often causes my left ear and head to pain where pain medication are of no assistance. The pain is so bad that it has now started affecting my hearing in the left ear. I depend on a Disability Grant from Sassa also because of my eye condition.
They say stress is not good for psoriasis. By the grace of God the psoriasis is not spreading elsewhere. Unfortunately there has to be discipline mixed with contentment to keep the skin problem manageable. Through the grace of God I have packed up excuses and complaints and sent them on a non returnable flight. I know my enemies. I rather have this skin issue and be happy and at peace compared to having psoriasis and being miserable.
On one occasion I was treated like I was a disease by a work colleague. He had noticed my finger nails where looking very bad and unhygienic and he responded quiet dramatically. Thank God i had closed shoes and he never see my toe nails. He also should make fun of the psoriasis on my head as I should always keep my hair as short as possible obeying the doctors instructions. I was afraid to respond because he was in charge of me at work. A very close friend told me that I'm starting to rust when he first noticed the skin problem on my head. I laughed with him and gently changed the topic. I since learned that we cannot change how people treat us or what they say about us but we can choose how to respond or react to it.
There are many kind and gentle people around too who are willing to help and encourage people living with psoriasis. Infact a school collegue posted on social media that the Psoriasis Association are looking for people to share their story and here i am with my story. Not everyone will treat you like you are unclean. The best way to respond to any incurable disease is to monitor your thoughts. This has given me strength to deal and cope with this awful skin problem and other medical issues.
The Dermatologist told me that I picked the skin problem up from my father. That there is no cure and it can spread anywhere in my body. The Ophthalmologist told me that by the age of 29 years old that I would go blind. I'm 43 years old to date and live with around 15% eyesight with glasses. The Psychologist told me that i have to go on medication because of the high levels of stress that I was going through. I am currently working on getting of the medication and it is looking prosperous. Giving up is not in my vocabulary unless it's being used for good.
I don't use tobacco (cigarettes), very seldom consume alcohol. I don't do illegal drugs. I don't smoke marijuana also. I don't depend on the above to manage the stress caused by my skin condition. When I used to have beer it should aggravate the issue. Now that I have stopped I'm noticing that it does make a positive difference. Get as much advice as you can about your condition which will help with your fight against it. Don't make hasty emotional decisions.
I have been unemployed for most of my life due to my eye condition. So being on the right diet or eating the right foods are not options for me. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones because the psoriasis is not spreading. My father had it all over his body and it continued spreading. He was a 7 day alcoholic so I guess that really was not good for his skin problem.
I believe that one-day sickness and disease will be no more. I wish I never had psoriasis because it's a real headache to be daily applying the medicine. I feel for those who have it in places where it's hard to apply the medicine on their own. My heart goes out to these people who don't have people to assist them. Applying the medicine is stressful and annoying on its own but there are people across the globe who are fighting similar or worse battles than these.
One of the therapies that helped me cope with more than one incurable illness was Occupational Therapy. From placing my hand into bowls of cement at the psychiatric clinic, this Occupational Therapy exploded into home based recyclable projects.
Going out in public is challenging but it's also dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you. Sometimes this line really helps and there's days it does not. I have enough eyesight to manage out in public on my own. I guess most of the time i don't notice that people are staring at my skin problem so it's not effecting me psychologically as it should. Sometimes what's meant to harm us gets used for our good. Now that's a blessing in disguise.
At the end of the day I believe that this life we are living is temporary. My faith in God gives me hope and I have made it this far. I have experienced a personal healing miracle recently and I have so much of hope because of this. We will never understand everything but I have all that I need to wake up everyday and respond to adversity. I am content and so so grateful.
No matter how bad a situation may be, we have a choice to respond. Once upon a time I did not want to hear this but it was my only option moving forward. We have to keep our gaurd up and fight everyday. A wise man once said that life won't be easy. If you have any sickness or any disease I am here to tell you today that you are beautiful and God has a plan and a purpose for your life. He has not forgotten about you. If my situation gets worse I will still trust. Psoriasis is not the end even though there is no cure but there are ways to navigate through it.
God is most visible when He is unseen.
I am not a Medical professional and I have spoken from my experiences with the intent to give hope and encouragement to the reader.